I Want My TV!

Today is our last day as a Nielson family. What is a Nielson family you ask? A Nielson family is asked to record their tv viewing habits for one week. The fancy, important Nielson people take our records and using some complicated mathematical algorithm, come up with tv ratings. Boring stuff, huh?

NOT IN THE LEAST! I was almost too excited to be "part of the Nielson family." (Yep. They really do describe it that way. Cute huh? Little culty, but cute.) First, we got a postcard in the mail to alert us that a customer service rep would contact us by phone to see if we were interested in "joining the Nielson family." I was all a quiver with excitement. I kept asking Chris, "But what if we miss the call? Will they still let me be part of the family if I miss the call?" (Yes, it is amazing he has stayed with me for all these years.)

But we didn't miss the call! Hurray for me! Except, the call came in at probably the worst possible time. Two kiddies in the bath engaged in a heated water fight, one infant screaming his head off, and me trying to fold three tons of laundry. Yet when they asked me if it was a good time, I put on my best enthusiastic family voice and said unequivocally - yes! And then I hung up on them.

It was an accident. I was trying to pick up Griffin, talk on the phone and give the other two boys my best warning look. I was doomed. I hit the phone with my ear and hung up on the Nielson guy. And what does any sane person do in this situation? Well, I cried. Chris was ready to commit me. Seriously, put me away.

"Honey, they will call back," Chris says in a gentle, reassuring, my wife has gone bonkers tone of voice.

"Nooooo, they won't call back," I wail back "We lost our chance! We lost it!"

"They'll call back."

"We'll never be part of the Nielson family! Never!" I cry in hysteria.

Chris gives me a look that suggests I have gone and lost my mind for good this time. I respond with, "Don't you want the shows you watch to get good ratings? Don't you? How would you feel if all we had to watch day in and day out was something like Dancing With the Stars?"

That shut him up. After a few minutes - they called back! And so it was - we became part of the Nielsons. I have tried to be as honest and as accurate as possible in our reporting. (Well, except I told my friend Christine that I would lie and say I watch Brothers and Sisters even though I don't because it is her very favorite show and she may cry if it gets canceled. But other than that - I swear - total honesty. )

I was proud to mark down the time I watched a show on PBS, but embarrassed to record that I watch the Bachelor. (I know - it's like a car wreck and I. Just. Can't. Stop. Watching.) I was a little ashamed at the amount of tv the kiddies watched last Sunday morning, but hey - sunday morning tv equals a mommy who gets to read the sunday paper. I learned that Chris never remembers what he watched on tv the night before and he describes every show he watches as "some kind of law and order thing." I also learned that I never, ever get to watch the news, unless you count the ten minutes I get dressed to the sounds of the Today show on my working days.

All in all, it has been interesting. And they paid us $30 too!