DENTIST FROM HELL

No one likes to go to the dentist. Hell, I HATE to go to the dentist. And even more than I hate going to the dentist, I feared taking my children to the dentist for the first time. I knew it was a requirement of parenthood, but I dreaded it just the same. (This is somewhat apparent given that Aidan is four and well, (sigh) he had not yet been to the dentist. I know, I know - I am hanging my motherly head in abject shame. SHAME ON ME. Bad mother, bad!)

So today, both Aidan and Brennan had appointments at the dentist. I made appointments at a regular dentist who assured me they also performed pediatric dentistry services. I thought this would work fine. Who needs a pediatric dentist's office? Heh. Rookie mom move. You do really need a pediatric dentist or at least an office that doesn't have their collective head up their giant ass.

We arrive and wait twenty minutes in the beautifully appointed waiting room with antique furniture. Toys? Nada. Reading materials? Sure - some lovely, fancy schmancy coffee table books including one on the history of James Bond. (I have no idea either.)

We are finally ushered into the back of the office. But, instead of bringing us right to our dental "cubicle", the hygienist would like to give us a tour of the office. Um, okay? I didn't know what to say or do in response to this. So, off we went - me, a scared shitless two year old, a pretty nervous four year old and an infant carrier with infant that weighed about ninety pounds or so. The first part of the tour? We got to watch an actual procedure being performed by a dentist. A real life actual procedure - needles and all. BIG needle. BIG HUGE NEEDLE being inserted into a patient's gums. And now both children are clutching my legs in terror as we continue onto the tour. I am not even sure how I managed to walk - with Aidan on one side holding onto my leg, Brennan grabbing my other leg and me maneuvering the infant carrier. But, there's more! We stop the tour so the hygienist can take five minutes to drone on about the wonders of Zoom Teeth Whitening treatments. The kids look like they are about to completely melt down and this woman is trying to sell me teeth whitening. I wanted to haul off and smack her. Really. There should be a special place in hell for people like this. If not hell, then at least purgatory.

Finally, we make it to our dental cubby. The hygienist points out the chair in the center of the cubby and tells Aidan to hop on up into the chair so they can get to work. Then she turns to me and tells me that I have to wait outside of the cubby. Aidan's head snapped so fast to look at me that I honestly thought it was going to come off of his body. I was honestly speechless. He's FOUR. FOUR!!!!! NEVER BEEN TO A DENTIST. Are you serious? Truly? She was. She honestly believed that he was going to just hop into the chair and happily have his teeth inspected by complete strangers. Hee, funny lady.

I told her that I was going to stand by Aidan during the treatments. The hygienist then told me it was "some sort of state law or something." But she "wasn't sure, 'cause she's new." I told her in the politest tone I could manage, that I wasn't going to wait outside of the cubby. She looked nervous and left for reinforcements. The kids took this as a sign to just completely and totally lose it. So they cried hysterically, at full volume, in perfect harmony. It was a miracle of miracles that Griffin did not join them.

A neighboring dentist took pity on me and decided to help me comfort my children. Only he forgot to take off his face mask. My children are already screaming in fear and confusion when a tall, strange man with a large face mask leans down to try and talk to them. He looked like something out of a horror movie. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry right along with them.

Then another dentist joins us. Wait - she's our dentist! She tells me that she can not allow me to stay in the cubby with the kids because it is "her rule" and "sometimes mothers can be part of the problem." Oh, yes she did. I gave her a smile and asked her if she had children. She said no. I smiled at her again and said, "I didn't think so." And then we left.

My anger and frustration at that dental office can not be adequately expressed. Aidan can't stop talking about the needles. Brennan keeps muttering to me, "Momma, I hate the dentis! Hate the dentis!" Great. If I thought the dentist was going to be hard before this all happened, now I have my work cut out for me.

I took them out for ice cream to dull all of our pain. What's a few more sugar induced cavities, right?