Losing My Religion

We scheduled Griffin’s christening for Sunday. It’s a little past the time when most Catholic families get it done, but with each child we seem to push it a little later and later.

I struggle a lot with the whole religion thing. Chris and I were both raised Catholic, attended Catholic school and married in a Catholic church. Our children are (or will be) baptized Catholic and will, most likely, attend Catholic school. But, yet, I am not sure if I feel Catholic or even subscribe to many of the teachings of Catholicism. Most of what I do for religion, I do because it is expected. We should do it. I am not sure we believe it.

I believe in God. I pray. I thank God every day for the blessings He has given me. But I don’t believe the Catholic Church is tantamount to God. I don’t feel I need Catholicism or its teachings in order to have spirituality and God as a part of my life. In fact, I disagree with many (most) of its teachings. And I shudder at so many of the things perpetuated in the name of religion, including Catholicism.

I will raise my children in the Catholic church because I want to expose them to religion in general. I want them to make their own choices, develop their own beliefs, and find their own religion, be it Catholicism or otherwise. But a small part of me feels like a hypocrite. How do you justify exposing your children to something you don’t yourself believe in? How do you balance the influence of religion with your own distinct spirituality? Can there really be a middle ground?

I want my children to be good people. People who care about the lives and rights of others. People who will treat others with kindness and respect. I’m just not sure how religion fits into all that. Or if it does at all.