Reflection

It is interesting as a parent to reflect upon your life with your children in years past. Each year there are things we do, as a family, that are the same in previous years. This sameness gives me perspective as to where we were and where we are as a family.

Chris has traveled on a guys' ski trip once a year since Aidan was four months old. I always want him to go and enjoy his time doing something he loves so much while enjoying the company of his buddies. I do. Really. It's just that when he gets back from his trip, I am so exhausted, mentally and physically, from my days as a single parent that I feel a tiny bit bitter.

I know. Bitter is not attractive or nice. But if I am being honest, I do. I usually feel a little bit of bitter with a tiny slice of anger mixed in to my haze of exhaustion. I think if you asked Chris, he would admit to all the same whenever I have gone out of town. It isn't easy to do the single parenting thing. But we want that happiness for our significant other and are willing to embrace the bitter and anger and exhaustion to give it to them.

Except this year, I have no bitterness or anger as Chris returns tomorrow from his trip to Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Not an ounce. I still feel exhausted, but it's a happy exhausted. This year was easier than the past years. As with all things, as my children grow up, it gets easier to single parent, even when your husband is off on a ski adventure.

The boys are growing up. They like to help me. Brennan took over dog duties and woke up each morning to run downstairs to feed Chewy and let him outside. On Saturday, Aidan fed everyone bowls of cereal and cups of juice. (Aidan even mimicked me as he gave his brothers their juice. "And the cups all have the same amount everyone so no fighting!" It is funny to hear your voice coming out of the mouth of a seven year old.)

They will even insist that they let me sleep in on Saturday morning. I quote Aidan, "Mom, we let you sleep in!" He exclaimed as he nudged me awake.

"You did? What time is it?" I sleepily respond with a big yawn.

"It's 7:01!" The boys yell with a cheer as they climb into my bed.

Yes, 7:01. Quite a decadent sleep in.

And Griffin, well G is still our three year old. He woke me each day at 5 am, insistent it was time to get up. I am not an attractive mother at 5 am. (Much better at 7:01.) But even he was simply easier this year.

I think I have also matured as a mother. I have stopped playing the martyr and accepted help when it is offered. I used to spend alot of time hunkering down at home when Chris was out of town, declining offers of assistance, just wishing for the strength to get through it with minimal yelling. There was a part of me that thought I had to do it all on my own. But this year, I said "yes!" when my aunt offered to take the boys to a basketball game on Saturday afternoon. I said "yes!" when my brother and future sister in law offered to take the boys on Sunday morning for a few hours so I could get in some tennis time. And I even scheduled my cousin Nikki for babysitting on Saturday night so I could enjoy an early dinner and a movie with girlfriends.

It made the difference. I feel nothing but happiness at the thought of Chris returning home. Not an ounce of bitterness or anger underlying that joy. I like it. It feels really good.

Life continues to get easier with my boys. But I realize it's not just the boys that are growing, it's me too.