My Alter Ego

I have an alter ego. My alter ego was created to help get me through the tough mommy times, times when I am honestly minutes away from banging my head repeatedly against the wall in frustration. My alter ego always has a calm demeanor. She doesn't yell or swear. She often speaks in a sing song tone and displays a sweet smile for the kiddies.

I call her: Sedated Mommy.

Sedated Mommy loves to play legos and Star Wars for hours and hours and hours. She especially loves it when the boys dump the bins of legos all over the house and she has to spend the day digging legos out from under the furniture. Sedated Mommy just grins when the boys all scream and cry in unison - no matter how loud they scream or how bad her headache is pounding in her head. Sedated Mommy loves to wait on her children, fetching juice after crackers after napkin and oh, yes, I will wipe your bottom too. Sedated Mommy loves when her children hang on her and whine and fight. It's all good. Because she's Sedated Mommy.

Sedated Mommy is my happy place. Because if anyone really knew what I was thinking half of the time or what I wanted to do some of the time, well, it wouldn't be good. Crazy Mommy just isn't as nice as Sedated Mommy. Crazy Mommy really hates legos and wiping butts. She thinks whining is like nails on a chalkboard. And if Crazy Mommy watches one more episode of Caillou she may throw something at the television. (I mean, really, is there any television character MORE annoying than that damn Caillou? And the theme song! Ugh.) Crazy Mommy set her boys' bedroom clocks fifteen minutes behind so she can get just a few more minutes sleep in the morning. She is not a woman you want to wake up in the middle of the night unless you have a really, really good reason. (And for future reference, fetching you the stuffed turtle from your bedroom floor because you are lonely at 2 a.m. is so NOT a good reason.) Crazy Mommy keeps a bag of Hershey Kisses hidden in the car so she can bribe the kids with chocolate for peace n' quiet while she's driving. She lets her one year old play in the open refrigerator and with condiments just to give her five minutes to make dinner. And last night Crazy Mommy had to actually stop and think to remember the last time the kiddies had a bath in the last week.

Sedated Mommy, meet Crazy Mommy. Sometimes, I'm not sure which personality is winning the battle for my mommy soul. I think I am rooting for the crazy one.