After work yesterday, I attended a cooking class at Delish with my friend Carolyn. (Wine, good food, easy recipes, and peanut butter whoopee pie! Yum.)
When I returned home to find the boys already in bed, my heart hurt a little bit. I hate not seeing them all day and missing the chance to hear their voices before they were off to sleep.
One by one I checked on them before I went to bed. First Aidan, then Brennan and last Griffin. Neither Aidan or Brennan stirred when I gently kissed them and covered them with their blankets. As I covered Griffin, he moved, restless, raised his head sleepily and looked at me. After a quick glance, he rested his head back on his crib and closed his eyes.
That’s when I cheated. I should have quietly left his room on tip toes so as not to disturb his slumber. I know I should have. Instead, I gently rubbed his head and whispered, “Are you awake?”
He wasn’t. But I pretended he was. I picked him up as he slept and cradled him in my arms. I walked over to the rocker, sat down and bundled us both up in a soft blanket. Slowly, we rocked together in the dark. I snuggled him. I kissed him. And I simply inhaled his beautiful baby scent.
There are times I wish my children would sleep. In my head, I beg and plead and dream of their sleep. Sleep to bring me just a moment of peace and quiet. And then I cheat. Because just when they do what we want, what we need, all I want is for them to be awake. Awake for me. To give me a chance to love them up and end my day snuggled under a blanket with them in the dark.
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