Discovering Joy in the Unexpected Places

It will take me weeks to sort and upload the pictures from our trip in Florida. (This is what happens when you take over 800 pictures of your children in the sand.) But, vacation was, as always, lovely for all of us. It seems so cliché to say we needed it, but well, we did.

The last few months I have felt a little lost and a bit numb. I am unable to articulate what I need to feel whole again. I know I want to feel more joyful. I want to feel more happiness. I am working on figuring it all out. I had hoped vacation would help. (And the sun, sand and margaritas can’t hurt, can they?)

We were up at the crack of dawn to catch our 7 am flight to Florida. We left our house at 5 am and in spite of the fact that we were headed to the beach, sun, surf and fun, I was grumpy at the early hour. I lacked my normal joy over our impending trip. The boys, however, exuded happiness.

“Did you see that? Did you? Look! It’s amazing! Wow! Look over there! I see another one! That one is so cool too! Did you see that one? I missed it! Look! Ooooo, that is the best one yet! Look at that one! It glows! Incredible! There is so many of them! Coooooool!!!!”

My children were not discussing video games, airplanes or some complicated scientific experiment, but spent the entire car ride to the airport enthralled with the lights that lit up the predawn sky. That’s it. Lights. Lights from towers. Lights from passing trucks. Lights from empty warehouses. The lights were an amazing, wondrous thing to appreciate and exclaim over again and again.

You can find joy in the most unexpected places. I am grateful I have three teachers wrapped up in the cutest little boy packages to remind me of this.

First Practice

The boys are obsessed with their upcoming baseball careers. They have virtually been sleeping with their ball and glove, hoping by osmosis to morph into little baseball wunderkinds.

Tomorrow is Aidan's first practice. Chris and I were working through the scheduling of who will take which child where, when Aidan interrupted me and said firmly, "I want Mommy to take me to my baseball practice."

"You do?" I replied, somewhat surprised and well, a little bit proud. He picked me! I thought Daddy was a sure bet for the first practice. After all, Daddy can, you know, do things like throw a ball and catch it. I suck at the baseball thing.

"Yes!" Aidan smiled broadly. Then he continued, "And I want you to stand on the sidelines and take lots and lots of pictures of me. LOTS!"

Hmmm, perhaps I need to cut back on the picture taking with the kiddies. They are starting to believe I am their personal paparazzi.

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Chris announced he was taking the boys to a baseball field to practice up for their first baseball outing.

"You are?" I asked, surprised. "Can't you just play catch with them in the back yard?"

Chris laughed at me, shook his head and said, "Yes, but I am thinking we should show them a baseball field and explain to them the whole first base, second base, third base thing before we send them off to practice."

Oh, right. That makes perfect sense.

Sharing the Love of a Book

On a whim, the boys and I decided to head to Borders this afternoon. My mom had given each of them a gift card to Borders in their Easter baskets and it was burning a hole in their collective pockets. I always like an excuse to roam the stacks, so it was an easy sell all around.

I love books. I love looking at them. I love reading them. I love the promise an unread book holds for me should I chose to open its cover. The books I read and love are like friends to me. I tend to reread my favorites or recommend them enthusiastically and loudly to anyone who will listen. I am always reading something and if not, I tend to pick up whatever book Chris is reading to read that too. Books are my obsession.

Most of my childhood was defined by books. I read, well, alot. I spent a fair amount of my early years curled up in a ball somewhere comfortably reading anything and everything. I fell in love with the library at a very early age. (A love that endures to this day.) I would walk to the library afterschool and spend hours reading or browsing. Libraries and bookstores are like a little slice of heaven to me.

I hope my boys share that love of books. I try to encourage reading as much as I can. We visit the library quite a bit, at least weekly if not more. We read together. And I almost never say no to a book purchase for them. It's my weakness and they know it.

We spent a long time in Borders today, each boy making his selection carefully. After we were done, we stopped for dinner on the way home. They sat in the booth, all three scrunched up together, and looked at their new books. It was a sweet moment.

There is nothing like sharing the love of a good book.

Take Me Out to the Ballgame

Aidan and Brennan asked if they could both play little league this spring. I agreed, knowing that little league can be a huge time sucker of a commitment. Practice, and more practices, games and more games - it can be alot to add into the schedule.

I try to limit their activities to two at a time to soften the blow of running here, there and everywhere, but our late spring into early summer is forecasting a whole lot of overlap of activities. We will be that family, over scheduled and crazed, trying to get it all in. Between golf, soccer, swimming and now, baseball - it will be quite an interesting ride.

Brennan is overjoyed by the promise of so much athletic action. I asked him what sport he was most excited about starting this spring.

He grinned and counting off his fingers said, "I can't wait to play golf, swimming, baseball and soccer."

I laughed and said, "Well, that's all of them Brennan."

Brennnan looked serious for a minute as he thought about it and said, "I'd like to do tennis lessons again too, Momma."

Oh boy. After my non-committing "we'll see," Brennan continued, "And how old do I have to be so I can add basketball and football? I want to play those too!"

Sure, two activities at a time. That should work. All rules are made to be broken I guess.

Things that Go Bump in the Night

The bogey man has moved into Brennan’s room, or at least, that is what Brennan thinks. He has spent many a night over the last few weeks with nightmares or tales of haunted things that go bump in the night and live in his closet. Chris and I have tried, oh we have tried, to patiently deal with his fears. But at two am in the middle of the night, even the most patient and loving of parents may find this challenging.

The first time he awoke with nightmares, I was not the most patient and loving of parents. I had been going through some things at work and I was irritable and grumpy. Chris quickly ushered me back to bed and ended up having an impromptu sleep over in Brennan’s car bed.

It was a quick fix solution by a wonderful dad, but not a solution that could last.

A few nights later, we were putting the boys to bed when Brennan started to get worked up over the chance his nightmare could come back. Chris tried to talk Brennan out of it. I tried magic mommy dust. But, Brennan was having none of it.

Finally, Aidan walked into Brennan’s room and asked if he could talk to Brennan. Aidan asked Brennan to describe his dream. Brennan did. Brennan described a dream of someone, something scary, that looked surprisingly just like his friend Phillip from school, chasing him and Aidan and catching them and hurting them.

Aidan listened thoughtfully and then he said, “Brennan, that could never happen. Think about Phillip. I am so much bigger than Phillip. If anything like Phillip ever chased us or tried to hurt us, I could get them and hurt them first. I would never let them do that. I, well, I would just grab them and throw them out the window!”

Brennan smiled. Aidan smiled back and said, “Okay?” Brennan nodded. Chris looked at Brennan and said, “Are you okay?”

“Yes Daddy, I can sleep now.”

Aidan, our seven year old nightmare whisperer.

Easter Weekend

The weather could not have been more perfect for Easter. Instead of easter egg hunts bundled in fleece mittens and down parkas, we all enjoyed shorts and sun.

After a day outside on Saturday, we went to a cook out at a neighbors house and attended the first egg hunt of the weekend. The boys loved romping with a million and one kids and hunting for their eggs in shorts and bare feet.

The boys were up early on Easter, eager to hunt for their baskets. After the baskets were found and we munched on a family breakfast, we went for Easter egg hunt number two. Chris and I hid eggs around our yard and watched our disheveled boys run wild hunting for eggs in all their mismatched glory. (No matching, cute Easter themed pjs for our brood. Nope.)

Egg hunt number three took place later that day at my mom's house. Travis and Lynda littered my mom's yard with a whole bunch of eggs to keep the egg frenzy alive and well.

I had picked out the cutest matching button downs for the boys to wear for the holiday. As Griffin will only wear clothes that consist of some sort of sports theme and have some elastic waist component to them, this raised a bit of a tantrum from our lovable three year old. The tantrum was so spectacular that we threatened to leave him home from our impending visit to Chris's uncle for Easter brunch.

Griffin smiled and said, "Okay. I'll stay home."

How's that for calling a parental bluff? So Griffin and I stayed home from brunch to allow our grumpy three year old to nap. We did get him to wear the offensive shirt for dinner at my mother's house, but only after he escaped back into his room to cover it up with an Old Navy fleece jacket.

He wore that fleece jacket the whole evening. Oh, it's good to be three. He also refused any type of group picture that involved him and his brothers. Yes, so good to be three.

All was forgiven when I heard the following exchange.

"I have a girlfriend Grandma JoJo!" Griffin announced.

"You do! What's her name?" My mom asked chuckling.

"Mommy! Her name is Mommy!" He said with a smile and then ran over to give me a hug.

Three year olds are crafty little guys, aren't they?

After all the eggs and Easter excitement, we were all home, in bed and asleep nice and early. We are now on to the countdown to the beach. The boys each borrowed a rolling suitcase from my mother yesterday and are intent on playing "trip to Florida" every chance they get. Now if I can only teach them to pack their own bags. That would be a treat.

Mid-Life Crisis Banished by a Summer Day

I have been struggling with work the last few weeks. It has been my own little version of a mid-life crisis, but at the ripe ol' age of 37. My struggle has quickly and easily seeped into my home life and made me a cranky mom and wife. It is amazing how easy it is to allow one aspect of your life dominate the entirety of your life.

But today, we were given the gift of a July day in a season just awakening with spring. There is no joy like an unexpected gift of a warm summer day in April.

We soaked up the sun. The boys and I took Chewy for a long walk. We played outside for hours. My brother and sister in law walked over to our house and we sat outside, chatting, marveling in the feel of the sun on our faces. It felt good. It brought lightness. I think we all needed it.

We were all a little sunburned tonight. As we dug for summer pjs to wear to bed, the boys were dancing with glee when I told them it is supposed to be sunny and 80 degrees tomorrow.

After the boys were all quiet in bed, Chris found me laying on our bed listening to the chirping of the birds and enjoying the warm breeze blowing through our bedroom windows. I felt so at peace.

I am hoping this summer Easter weekend has brought me enough simple peace and joy to carry me through my own version of a mid-life crisis. Or at least until we escape for the beach in two weeks. At least until then.